Attraction To Angst: Life In The Intense Lane

Angst is an emotion some may wish to avoid, after all: “A feeling of anxiety or dread about the world in general or having a specific cause”, doesn’t sound like too much fun. For me though, I have always been fascinated by it, drawn to those who exhibit it, I suppose because it is a shared feeling? Whether its a real life scenario, or on the movie or television screen, in literary form or expressed in art, it acts as a magnet for me. Experiencing angst is proof you have strong feelings and deep emotions, intense enough to unfortunately cause you pain, but also strong enough for you to appreciate all things at the highest level.

Angst can come down many different avenues, from a personal slight, a hurt or a worry you have experienced, sometimes surfacing in the struggle during a family crisis. Lest we not forget, sometimes the worst, which is the searing almost physical pain caused by a loved one facing their own demons.

We all handle this fiercely strong emotion differently, depending on our make-up and our philosophies. Some face it head on, searching for a solution to the root cause at every turn, in every dark corner. Some find ways to live with it on a day to day basis. Many times it does pass, as the seed that gave it life goes through its cycle, then withers. Other times it becomes a permanent part of our psyche, some days almost nonexistent, other days raging at our door like an apocalyptic storm.

We seem to be able to handle this emotion the more we have been exposed to it, like a virus to the soul that we build antibodies to. I base this on my own experience with it. I seemed to walk hand in hand with it often as I grew up, and as years passed, it never did fully loosen the grip. Working with the cards life had dealt myself and my loved ones, on that occasion when I drew the angst card, surprise was not my reaction, and I played it, the best I had over the years, learned how.

I feel that those of us that are familiar with this emotion, deserve much credit. It is a difficult one to process, to work through, and if we are lucky, to banish. It is strange how though it causes great emotional upheaval at times, when we see it in others, we are drawn to them. Strength in numbers I suppose. My favorite writer and poet is Edgar Allan Poe, my favorite films and characters are torn and troubled stories and the people who inhabit them. My favorite art pieces are strong abstract images that wring out of me, excitement, joy, sadness and grief. Salvador Dali of course is one of my favorites.

For me, I have found a way to incorporate the dose of angst that it is my destiny to have, into using its grip on strong emotions, to my advantage. The intensity it has brought to my life, makes colors brighter, music more beautiful, the world more interesting, and my part in it more meaningful. It has made me listen more closely, and hear much better. To use my beloved metaphors again, I have never been a pale pastel girl, or a jeans and tee shirt fashionista in any walk of life. Bright bold intense colors and out of the ordinary funky garments are more my style of life and living, so I guess it’s just natural that when a bright bold intensity such as angst decides to toss me a few emotional curveballs, I put on my catchers mitt and say, ” Let’s Play”.

Let all of us Angst Players give ourselves credit for playing so well on such a tough field.

My first image is one of my favorite paintings.

My second image is one of my favorite fictional embodiments of angst, though I have many.